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[slap_the_butt]

[All in all, Kurt's relieved Thanksgiving is over. He enjoyed getting to spend that time with his family, but the truth is, all he's wanted to do lately is curl up on his bed and mope. The breakup wasn't just Blaine's idea. Kurt ultimately thought it was the best way to save their friendship too, and it ended up being a mutual decision. But it still hurts. He still feels raw and sad, and he doesn't think those feelings are going to go away for a while. There's still a part of him that wants to call Blaine up and ask to try again; Kurt ruined someone's life just so they'd have a chance to make their relationship work and this is how it ends?

But he doesn't call Blaine. He doesn't do much of anything once the holiday and Black Friday is over. He just lies in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, debating calling the girls so they can come over with comfort food. But he's not sure he's in the mood to explain things, and the room doesn't just belong to him anymore anyway, and he doesn't want to bother Older Kurt. In fact, between his recent breakup and the bizarre feelings he's been having around Older Kurt lately, he's not sure how to even look him in the eyes. Why does life have to be so complicated?] Why is this my life?

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[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[If it was up to Kurt, they wouldn't ever stop doing this. They wouldn't stop touching, exploring, making each other feel good in every way possible, wouldn't stop to think about the repercussions and consequences of what they're doing, wouldn't stop to think about how healthy or morally right it may or may not be. They'd just keep doing it until they both go blind from it or something. Kurt moans loudly into his shoulder, bucking and thrusting into his hand, bracing himself against the younger one's hips. It barely takes a minute before he's coming with a sharp gasp, quivering on top of him, giving a couple of slow, lazy thrusts right at the end as he rides it out. Fuck.]

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[Kurt sucks harder on Older Kurt's throat, stroking him through his orgasm, milking every last drop of his come. He almost doesn't want to let go afterwards. He doesn't want this closeness to end or for Older Kurt to come to his senses and put distance between them. He wants to stay here like this Older Kurt pressed so close against his body. He takes his lips away from Older Kurt's neck to look at his face, wanting see him. This was the first time he made someone come, and he needs to know that he did a good job. That he made him feel good.] Was that... was it okay?

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[Kurt glances back down at him past heavy eyelids, still panting for air, trying to catch his breath. He's flushed and sweaty, his hair drooping a little in his forehead, and with the soft chuckle and lazy smile he offers Little Kurt, there's no way he'd think he did a poor job. Kurt looks like he's never had better in his life.] That was more than okay.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[Kurt gives him a pleased smile and leans up to give him a peck on the lips. He feels light and happy in a way he hasn't in days, and he wants that feeling to last as long as possible.]

How did you know? That I was talking about you, I mean. How did you know?

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[Kurt returns the kiss, grinning down at him, his hand reaching up to gently stroke some of his hair out of his face.]

I'm you, remember? We're smarter than you give us credit for.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

Looks like we are. And I thought I was being subtle. [His expression grows warm and affectionate, and if his face could reflect what he feels right now, there would probably be visible hearts in his eyes.]

Does this mean we're-- [He pauses, unsure how to word his question.] What does this mean?

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

Mr. Schue and Finn? Subtlety? Come on. [He smiles warmly, cuddling up close to him, nuzzling his face into the crook of Little Kurt's neck. He needs to bask in the afterglow on top of a warm body for a while.]

I don't know what this means. Not yet. Do you want to talk about it now?

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

I guess you have a point. Finn was so two years ago and Mr. Schue is so last never. [He wraps an arm around Older Kurt, cuddling as close to him as possible. He's silent for a moment as he considers Older Kurt's question. Part of him wants to just keep cuddling and bask in the afterglow and just put off any serious conversations until later. But there's a bigger part of him that needs to know. That needs them to figure this out.]

We should probably talk about it now. [Because he doesn't want to have to wonder later. He wants them to be on the same page.]

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[Kurt chuckles fondly and nods approvingly, settling happily against him, closing his eyes as he relishes the fading high of climax. While Little Kurt thinks, he reaches to the side and gropes around for the covers, pulling them halfway over their bodies, just to keep them warm and toasty still. Once the younger reaches a decision, Kurt nods softly into his neck, eyes still closed, hand drawing lazy circles on his still exposed stomach.]

Alright. I don't know what this makes us. I think since you're so fresh off your first breakup, being something just yet might be a bad idea. I think you might need time and space to breathe. But I don't know that, I don't get to decide that, and no matter what you want, I'm staying right here. I want to be here for you, and when you're ready, I think I want to be with you.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[He reaches over and grabs a tissue from his nightstand to wipe the come off his hand before tossing it into his trash bin and curling close to Older Kurt. He's pretty sure they'll both need to change out of what they're wearing soon, but right now all he wants is for them to snuggle and relax together.]

I think that might be a good idea for both of us. I just had my first break up and you-- [He pauses, hating to bring Mark up, but knowing he has to. They're not going to get anywhere if they can't talk about these things.] what you had was taken from you. You and Mark didn't break up, your future together was stolen from you. [By Kurt, which is another reason he thinks Older Kurt should figure things out. He doesn't want any potential resentment to ruin what they could have.] So maybe we should both take some time to deal with things and move on. Because I think I want to be with you too. No, I know I want to be with you-- as boyfriends and lovers. But I don't want either of us to have any regrets or for either of us to have to worry that the other would rather be with someone else.

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[Ah. Tissue. Kurt should probably wipe himself clean of come too. Too lazy. Too warm and comfortable. Fuck it, cuddles it is. He nods very softly as Little Kurt mentions Mark, which is pretty much the last thing he wants to think about now, but it's a valid point. Kurt needs to be able to grieve the loss of his boyfriend for a while, to let it all sink in properly before even trying to move on to something different. Burying his feelings under layers of sex and denial will not make them go away. He smiles softly into Little Kurt's neck.]

You're right. That sounds like a good course of action. [A little pause.] Though if you'd like to, until we get to that point, I certainly wouldn't mind doing some more of this.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[He pauses to consider whether them doing this again before they figure things out is a good idea or not. He wants to. He really wants to; it felt wonderful, like nothing he's experienced before, and there's a part of him that would like to keep doing that forever. But he's not sure he can have sex that doesn't mean something. For him, what they just did meant something huge, and he's not sure he can keep doing something like that without wanting more -- love, commitment, and actual relationship.]

You don't think it would confuse things if we keep having sex?

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[Kurt shrugs a little bit, still tracing a slow little pattern on Little Kurt's stomach with his fingertips. Personally, Kurt can see where this is going. Little Kurt wants to be with him, and honestly, despite how confusing this is, Kurt can see himself being with Little Kurt someday too. Once he's deflated a bit, released some of his pent up worries and frustrations and fears, once he's had time to move on and try again. He gets Little Kurt. He gets him and his worries and fears, and if he can turn out to be a pillar of support and understanding and love for him, then he'll more than happily be that. The sex is just something that comes with it, if they want it to.]

I care about you. I want to have sex with you. I hope you want to have sex with me. We can, but we don't have to. I'm just saying that if it's something you want, no matter what we are, don't be afraid to let me know.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[Kurt stares up at the ceiling, trying to get his thoughts together. He knows what he wants, but knowing the right way to get to that isn't so easy. He wants to be with Older Kurt. He wants to have a relationship and a future with him. But there's this fear inside him that having sex while they're trying to figure things out will complicate and ruin everything. Kurt knows he could fall in love with Older Kurt, he wants to. But he doesn't want it to happen before they're both ready to deal with it. And sex? It confuses things.]

I care about you too, and I--I want to have sex with you. I really want to have sex with you. But I don't want to risk messing up what we could have together by moving too fast. We should do this right.

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[Kurt smiles fondly into his chest and nods, cuddling closer still. He's absolutely right. As much as he'd love to have sex with Little Kurt some more, they really should wait if they want to make this work. The more patient they are, the sweeter the fruits of their effort and dedication will be. Besides, as a wise man once said, this is why they invented masturbation.]

You're right.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[He leans forward to press a soft kiss to Older Kurt's cheek. It feels good knowing Older Kurt gets it, that he seems to understand. It might not be much yet, but he feels like they're at a pretty good start.]

So... until we have things figured out, friends? A-and once we do figure things out, if you still want me by then, we'll probably have a lot to talk about.

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[The kiss earns him a lazy grin, and Kurt happily wraps his arms around Little Kurt's narrow frame, tangling their legs together, holding him close. As sweaty and gross as he's starting to feel, he doesn't want to move an inch. He's very comfortable where he is right now.]

Friends. Lots to talk about. Mmm-hmm.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[His smile widens and grows bright as Older Kurt wraps his arms around him and tangles their legs. It feels nice, being in his arms like this, and it almost makes him want to take back everything he said about waiting. Maybe it'll be alright for them to be like this at least until morning. Kurt has just lost his virginity after all, and it would a be shame not to get to spend the night in the arms of his potential future boyfriend. They will have to get up long enough to get clean eventually, but it can wait for now.]

And maybe once things are figured out, we could, um, date? [He ends the question with a light kiss to the corner of Older Kurt's mouth.] And about that party I mentioned earlier...

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

Mmm-hm. [Kurt returns the little kiss to the corner of his mouth with a little noise of agreement, eyes still closed, more than happy to remain lying there with Little Kurt's warm body against his own. It wouldn't surprise him if he fell asleep like this. He cracks his eyes open as Little Kurt brings up the party, smiling fondly at him.] What about it?

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[He presses a kiss to the other corner of Older Kurt's mouth, and then right on the lips, his hand going up to brush through his hair before pulling back to smile at him.] I think you should let me and Finn throw the party.

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

[And Kurt returns every little kiss with a pleased hum, leaning into the gentle touch to his hair. Everything's so warm and cozy and lazy right now. He loves this. He offers Little Kurt a soft chuckle.] Why would I stop you to begin with?

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

[He slides his fingers through Older Kurt's hair lazily, giving him a small shrug and a smile.] Because it requires you to take responsibility of two teenage boys, and as far as Dad and Carole are concerned, it would be up to you to keep us out of trouble while they're gone? And because you didn't say anything when I brought it up earlier.

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

I've gone drinking with kids younger than you two. I think I can handle you. [He chuckles softly, eyes on Little Kurt, taking in the lines of his face and the color of his eyes. Their eyes really are amazing. They look so much better from here than in the mirror.] That's because I thought you might do something stupid if you got to throw a party. Plus you mentioned some mystery crush, I just couldn't stay away from juicy gossip like that.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

I'm not a kid. And I'm sure you can handle us, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'd want to. [His cheeks grow warm at the way Older Kurt's looking at him and he leans into to kiss him again, letting it last a little longer this time. He's really going to miss this come tomorrow morning.] ...What made you think I'd do something stupid? If you recall, I was one of the only sober, responsible people at Rachel's train wreck last year. And anyway, I'm not sure I'm going to allow alcohol if we have a party here.

[He laughs.] So did the gossip turn out to be as juicy as you thought it would be?

[makingculture.livejournal.com]

Well, I want to. [He returns the kiss, humming softly against his lips. Honestly, if he got to choose, they wouldn't have to give this up tomorrow morning. But Little Kurt thinks being friends would be the best course of action for now, and he won't make him do something he thinks might be a bad idea just so they can have this for a while longer. It's not his choice. He's going to miss this too.] You just broke up with your boyfriend and you were kind of freaking out for a while back there. I'd do something stupid on purpose at a party if I were in your position.

More than I'd ever imagine, actually.